Words From Andy
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Clowns, Good or Evil or America and Coulrophobia: Part 1 & 2

One could say, with very little contradiction, that people generally don't like clowns. If you happen to love clowns, I'm sorry, but you are in the minority, if you really really love clowns, chances are you are a clown yourself, and therefore beyond saving. But why? Why do we hate clowns? A clowns only purpose in life is to make people laugh, it is their job to bring joy to people's lives. So why do we fear, despise, and otherwise loath these make up wearing fools? For those highly astute readers out there, you may have noticed I wrote "Part 1" next to the title, which means I believe it to be multiple reasons, and I'm gonna talk about each one and give each one an entry. Yes, I think this subject is THAT important, after all, our nations security is at stake... well, our 4 year old's birthday parties anyway. Ok, so the first factor I'm going to look at is what I like to call "The Inhuman Clown." Have you ever looked at a clown? These guys are not normal, in any stretch of the imagination. They do weird things, like fly kites with fans, wear big floppy shoes, throw pies, some of them appear to be mute. The whole clown race is different from the rest of us, it appears as though their world works by a different set of rules, even the rules of matter seem to bend around them, ever see 20 clowns pile out of a clown car? Some people think this is funny. Others think it's weird. Figuring in the fact that half of the people who would laugh at this stuff are parents trying to get their kids to laugh at a circus (which will be in another post for the future.). So it's really this weirdness that turns us off. And you can see this type of stuff happen all the time. Why do people not trust people of different ethnic backgrounds? Part of it is social pressures, background, etc, but an underlying factor, which maybe small, is that that other group "isn't like us." Clowns are like no one, even some other clowns. Clowns throw pies, which are a delicious confectionery treat. And lots of times there the good pies too, basically whip cream, maybe a crust, and if they are feeling really fancy they could have some pudding filling in there. Everyone knows those are the best parts of pies. And they use them as a weapon? They also use Seltzer water as a projectile weapon. That's only a syrup or a bit of gin away from being a refreshing drink. They use food as weapons! Not only just food, but good food. You never see a clown throwing haggis at people. They throw deserts. We eat deserts. It's a very stark contrast. Another off thing I've seen done is clowns flying kites with use of a fan. Now I don't know about you, when I fly a kite, I generally like to use natural wind power to power my plastic aircraft. Apparently for this clown, natural air power wasn't good enough. Nope, he had to waist electricity to get this small little kite in the air. Clowns are wasteful too. So not only are they causing millions to go pie-less, and even worse, mixed drink-less, but they are now slowly polluting our earth by shamelessly waisting batteries for a fan to fly a kite. And the last point about the inhumanity of clowns is the face of the clown. They have a big large nose, red nose, which is usually a sign of a lush. They wear inches of make up, which is highly reminiscent of a street hooker. It's like those old ladies you see from time to time that wear so much eye shadow that it goes down to their cheeks, and it's usually some bright blue color. And when ever you see that person you think one of two things. 1: Your 70 years old lady, and that pound of make up you just put on is only accentuating your wrinkles, or B: are you a transvestite? And the amount of make up they put on is nearly nothing compared to clowns. It's a mask, and the natural instinct of a person is to wonder why someone wears a mask. What are they hiding. Not only that but the mask instantly strips the wearer of humanity. They are no longer a person, but they are now a thing, in this case, a clown. And one something is inhuman, but still human like, what is it they become? It's like big foot, human like, but not human. Or a werewolf, human like, but not human. When you strip humanity from a human and therefor they become inhuman, they have just turned into a monster. And that is the inhuman clown factor, clowns are basicly monsters trying to act funny. Join me next time when I explore the combination of the Inhuman clown on the developing psyche of a 4 year old child. Also to be addressed next time: Mimes, the black and white mute clown of doom!

-------Part 2 -----------------
In my previous rambling about clowns, I touched on the fact that clowns are not like regular people, and there for regular people tend to distrust and dislike them. I called this idea "The Inhuman clown." I also mentioned that I was going to talk about children and the Inhuman clown, which is what I'm actually going to discuss now. So to find America's root of disdain for the Bozos of the world, we must first look to America's history with clowns. When does the average American first come into contact with clowns? It's at a very early age. Just so happens it is the developmental stages of childhood, when your making memories that will impact the way you act as you grow to become an adult. Generally what happens at this point is you are dragged to a birthday party for a kid you don't even know, but you parents work with their parents. You're tired, cranky, and quite frankly don't care about this kid, and all you really want to do is take the present you brought him and be off with it yourself. Don't worry, i think everyone has been there. Then, out from some corner of a house or back yard, as if from the shadows, comes some man dressed up in odd attire, wearing big floppy shoes that he can barely move around in, and doing strange nonsensical things. He starts to blow up ballons and make little animals out of them and giving them to you and every one around you. Hmmmmm.... stranger danger? Here's the thing, we are thought, drilled into our head from a very early age. You don't talk to strangers. Strangers that give you things are probably up to no good. So now this... inhuman creature with bright colored hair is giving you an animal made from latex and saying it's a dog. Suddenly, somewhere, in the dark recesses of you juvenile, developmental mind, an alarm starts going off. Your baby sense is tingling. And you start to do the one thing children can do in self-defense... Let the loud screaming crying commence. Have you ever noticed if you smile at a baby they tend to smile back at you? If you frown at a baby, they frown back. Babies can't talk, so they need to find other ways to communicate with others around them, and it just so happens the face is a big part of it. Now, imagine what would happen if you dressed yourself in prosthetic make up and made yourself look like a monstrous human and then look at the baby. Think that baby will smile? Nope, and you probably won't make the parents too happy ether when they have to change the kids diaper after your little stunt. So what makes people think that dressing up with bright colors, painting their faces white so that they look like an albino, and putting on a bright red nose will have any different an affect. The baby doesn't know that your trying to be funny, he or she just sees a monstrous human standing in front of them.

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